Saffron & Bruno and the Holiday...part two!

Highlighting the Great Wall of China!

Swimming in the Grand Canyon!

The holiday continued.  Saffron was sat on an aeroplane and she was giggling.  She cwtched Bruno to her and watched the Sixteen Stephens and Andrew as they played with their in-flight entertainment, tried to run emergency drill demonstrations (which came to a rapid halt when Stephen Number Fifteen couldn’t work out how to do up the seatbelt and when Stephen Number Four forget where the emergency exits were).  Stephen Number Ten had a pile of trays on his seat-back table.  He had eaten precisely seventeen meals and hadn’t thrown one of them.  Saffron was amazed.  The other Stephens snored and twisted and turned in their seats.  It was quite a sight.  Andrew read a book about China.

*

Saffron stood on the Great Wall of China and wore a look of amazement on her face.  She had been looking forward to seeing this magnificent sight for quite a long time now and it did not disappoint.  She marvelled at the ingenuity and the skill of the builders who had constructed this wonderful wall.  Behind her, the Sixteen Stephens and Andrew took in the sight too.

“Phewee!” Stephen Number Six said, “This must be the biggest garden I’ve ever seen!”

“Yeah,” agreed Stephen Number Nine, “No wonder there’s trees and plants everywhere.  I wouldn’t want to have to a mow a garden as big as this!”

“No, silly,” Saffron laughed, “This isn’t a garden wall.  It was built to keep invaders out of the country.  It was built to protect China.”

“Oh,” chorused Stephens Numbers Six and Nine.

“And, it says in my guidebook here,” announced Stephen Number Ten, “This is the only manmade object you can see from space!”

“Ooooooh!”  Chorused Stephens Numbers Six and Nine again.  Saffron giggled.  The ‘guidebook’ Stephen Number Ten was reading from was one he had written himself and had a crayon picture of the Great Wall of China drawn on the front…rather badly.  Andrew tutted and disagreed.

“You cannot see the Great Wall of China from space,” he said, “That’s just a myth.”

“What, like a young girl with a lisp?”  Asked Stephen Number Seven.

“So,” replied Stephen Number Ten after given Stephen Number Seven a bit of a stare, “What you’re saying is that the Great Wall of China is the only manmade object that can be seen from space that cannot actually be seen from space.”

“No, what I’m…” Andrew started to speak but the remainder of the Sixteen Stephens cut him off.

“Wow,” They chimed, “We’re on the only manmade object that can be seen from space that can’t be seen from space!”  Andrew rolled his eyes and Saffron giggled harder.

“I know,” said Stephen Number One, “Let’s make this the only manmade object that can be seen from space that can’t be seen from space be seen from space!”

“You mean,” queried Stephen Number Ten, “that we should make this, the only manmade object that can be seen from space that can’t be seen from space, so you can actually see it from space?”

“Precisely!”

“Brilliant!”  The Sixteen Stephens sang!

Before either Saffron or Andrew knew what was going on, the Stephens got to work.  They whipped out their yellow highlighters and started colouring in the Great Wall of China.  Furiously they worked.  Stephen Number Eight had a highlighter in each hand and was going like the clappers, covering as much of the bricks and mortar as he could.  Stephen Number Fourteen was taking his time with each brick.  You could tell he was concentrating really hard on getting the colouring in right because he had his tongue sticking out of his mouth, just like all good concentraterers do when they are working.

Stephen Number Twelve politely ushered tourists out of the way so that Stephens Numbers Two and Eleven could colour in the pathway that ran along the top of the wall.  Stephen Number Seven worked on the battlements and Stephen Number Five was making sure the turrets and towers were covered as well.  Stephen Number Ten stood back from the group, directing operations.  He had a loud hailer with him and every now and then his voice boomed across the sky.

“Watch out, Stephen, you’ve missed a bit.”

“Well done, Stephen, a majestic piece of highlighting!”

“That’s the ticket, Stephen, don’t leave any gaps!”

The wall was covered.  It was as bright as a bright yellow wall.  It was so bright Saffron had to put on her sunglasses.  Soon, the Sixteen Stephens and Andrew were all stood by her side.  Each of them had their sunglasses on and they looked on their work with pride.  Well, except for Andrew who looked on in incredulity.  All around them, tourists were walking into one another, two fell over the side of the wall and landed in the grass and the curators were rushing around here and there, pulling at their hair and wondering what on earth had happened to their Great Wall!

“There,” Said Stephen Number Ten, “This must be the only manmade object that can be seen from space that can’t be seen from space that can be seen from space, now.”  He looked very pleased with himself.  As did all the other Sixteen Stephens.

Saffron giggled and Andrew sighed.  He clicked his fingers and everything returned to normal.  “Come on,” he instructed, “I think it’s time we went to America.”

*

The Grand Canyon stood before them and, frankly, all the Sixteen Stephens and Andrew could do was gape.  Saffron had a very faraway look in her eye but she was merely transformed by the beauty of the canyon in front of her.  The smile on her face simply wouldn’t shift.

The sun shone down on the Grand Canyon, highlighting (not in the same way the Sixteen Stephens highlighted the Great Wall!) the subtle differences in the colours of the sides as they rose from the canyon floor.  Warm browns and reds, yellows and oranges lay in layers all throughout the wonder of the world.  It was a sight so beautiful is made your heart sigh.

“Do you know,” said Stephen Number Ten, “I think this would make a marvellous swimming pool.”  The other Sixteen Stephens turned to look at him.  “Could you imagine,” he continued, “all the fun you could have diving in and swimming down and climbing out and diving in again?”  The Sixteen Stephens minds started to fill with images of them in their swimming costumes and wearing nose-pegs to keep the water out and swimming caps to keep their hair dry, and they began to grin.  “You could have tremendous fun with inflatables here too,” Stephen Number Ten went on.

“That is a terrific idea,” Stephen Number Eleven agreed.  The other Sixteen Stephens nodded their heads.  Before Andrew or Saffron could react, the Sixteen Stephens got to work.

“Right,” said Stephen Number Ten, “Obviously, the best thing we can use to make a swimming pool is jelly.  Blueberry flavoured jelly.  Because it has to be blue.”  The Sixteen Stephens nodded their heads.  “And, because this is an extra special swimming pool, we are also going to add some custard and some cream to it.  That’ll give it a lovely topping.”

“Oh, yes,” The other Sixteen Stephens agreed, “Very nice.”  So, they got to work.

Stephen Number Ten directed operations once more and the others got to the mixing and the pouring and the mixing and the pouring.  Soon the Grand Canyon was completely full of blueberry flavoured jelly, custard and cream.  And the Sixteen Stephens were donning their swimming togs ready to take the plunge.  They lined up along the edge of the largest swimming pool ever created and, one by one, dived headfirst into the mixture.  Stephen Number Eight started lowering the levels of liquid by eating as much of the jelly, custard and cream as he could.  Stephen Number Three leisurely did some backstroke, whilst Stephens Number Four, Eleven, Twelve and Seven performed their synchronised swimming routine.  As they did, however, they noticed something was wrong.

“Hey,” Stephen Number Four said with a concerned look on his face, “This jelly’s getting stiffer.”

“I can hardly move my arms,” agreed Stephen Number Twelve.

“The jelly’s setting!”  Yelled Stephen Number Three.  All eyes turned to Stephen Number Ten.  Stephen Number Ten turned his eyes to the sky and whistled an innocent whistle.

“What a silly thing to do, to make a swimming pool out of jelly!”  Shrieked Stephen Number Nine, “Everyone knows that if you’re going to make a swimming pool you use Lemonade!”

“Or water,” suggested Saffron.

“Or water,” repeated Stephen Number Nine without missing a beat.

“Hey!”  Stephen Number Ten got defensive, “It’s not my fault the jelly set.  You ghosts must have made it all wrong!”

There was a pause.  And then there was the wailing and yelling and bellowing and caterwauling of one of the finest arguments you have ever had the privilege to hear, going on.  In amongst the noise two words rang out clearly.  Two words that must have belonged very specifically to one of the ghosts.  Two words that only Stephen Number Ten could have uttered.

“FOOD FIGHT!”

The jelly flew.  The jelly splatted.  The jelly sprayed.  The jelly squirted.  And so did the custard and the cream.  It hit Stephen after Stephen after Stephen after Stephen.  There was simply no escape.  Andrew opened an umbrella and he and Saffron stood under it.  Stephen Number Ten had a dollop of jelly land straight in his right ear.  Splat!  He had a dollop of cream land straight in his left ear.  Splat!  He had a dollop of custard land straight on his face.  Splat!  He wiped away his eyes and could see Stephen Number Eight standing right in front of him with his mouth moving.  There was no sound.

“Speak up.”  Said Stephen Number Ten, “I think I’ve gone a trifle deaf!”  He poked his fingers in his ears and wiggled them around to get rid of the jelly and cream.  “What did you say?”  He asked.

“I said,” said Stephen Number Eight with a great big smile on his face, “this is the tastiest food fight we’ve ever had!”  And he laughed.  And so did Stephen Number Ten.  Then the rest of the Sixteen Stephens started laughing to.  Even Stephen Number Four who was heard to murmur, “A trifle deaf!” in all the mirth and merriment.

Andrew sighed and then clicked his fingers.  The Grand Canyon was back to how it should be: all grand and canyon-y.

It was time to go home.

*

The Sixteen Stephens and Andrew were gathered around Saffron’s computer screen.  She had brought her laptop up to the attic to show the ghosts her holiday snaps.  They were oohing and ahhing at the wonderful pictures she had taken.  The pyramids looked spectacular with the camel and the palm trees in the foreground.  The Leaning Tower of Pisa defied gravity and looked glorious in the summer sun.  The Great Wall of China snaked away into the distance with a size and scale they simply could not get over.  And the Grand Canyon looked simply just that: grand.  Of course, there were some other photographs.  The Sixteen Stephens and Andrew trying to decipher the hieroglyphics and arguing with a mummy.  The Sixteen Stephens filling the basement of the Leaning Tower of Pisa with custard.  The Great Wall of China radiating colour and definitely being the manmade object that could be seen from space that couldn’t be seen from space that could be seen from space.  Lastly, of course, the tastiest food fight there had ever been – the Sixteen Stephens in all manner of swimming togs throwing jelly, custard and cream at one another.  Saffron was delighted with the pictures and so were the ghosts.

She left them to get on with their walking through walls practice (they hadn’t done any for a fortnight (not even at the Great Wall of China – which you would have thought would have been the perfect place for that!)) and she walked back down to her bedroom where Bruno was waiting for her.  She swept her toy frog up in her arms and cuddled him.  What a truly amazing holiday.  The best she’d ever been on.